I feel that I have a lot of restrictions on my life. These limitations have kept me from really letting loose and finding freedom that I so desperately desire.
I have really wanted to create videos and become a YouTuber for a long time, but I never pursued it because I had always felt that there were too many reasons not to, too many limitations and restrictions, and just about every other excuse that I could come up with.
The Desire to Aspire
I’ve wanted to write a post like this for a while. I’ve always been kind of scared to because it would mean that I would have to face the fact that I’m the primary reason that I haven’t made a YouTube video yet.
See, I love watching YouTubers like Casey Neistat and Peter McKinnon. I love the lavish cinematography. I enjoy the story-telling. I want to make youtube videos…
I’ve never gotten on the horse, so to speak. There are so many things that hold me back, many of which are of my own doing. As I thought more and more about it, the reality struck that this is truly a battle between the things that restrict and limit me (self-imposed and not) versus the desire to do what I want and have the freedom to pursue it.
Restrictions vs. Freedoms
It doesn’t take a smart person to figure this out. In life, many of your choices are a war waged from the battle between all those restrictions and your emotions. What I mean is that you can either focus on the restrictions in your life stopping you from doing something you want to do, or you can do it anyway and try to ignore the restrictions.
In my case, I want to make YouTube videos. It would be very easy for an armchair quarterback to say “what are you waiting for??? Just go out and shoot video.”
Perhaps you’ve experienced this too, but part of me is really hesitant. I’m not a good speaker, even worse in front of a camera. No one would expect me to do anything like this (so in other words, it’s a secret desire), and when I’ve hinted at the interest, it’s either scoffed at or the person just laughs like I’m bringing up the most ridiculous thing in the world.
Beyond that, there are the issues of having a 9-5 job plus a pretty demanding family. It doesn’t give me much time to pursue this dream.
The other sad thing is that I have no support either. I don’t know anyone that does YouTube videos, nor do I have much experience myself. My wife, even though I love her, would much rather that I submit to a dull, safe family life where I get up, go the 9-5, come home and be a family man without question or desire for anything more.
On the other side of the coin, I see the videos. It’s something I want and crave. It looks fun even though I have no doubt that it’s just as much work, if not more than what I’m doing now.
I’ve even turned on my phone camera, started recording and turned the camera on myself. Immediately my mind goes blank and I’m a fu**kin’ deer in the headlights on camera.
I want it bad, but I am deep in a conflict between the restrictions versus just creating.
A HiGHly CaFFeiNaTED PeRsON